After months of double speak by global experts on Greek politics and economics; the citizens of Greece spoke in one voice (more or less) to deliver the OXI" (NO) vote in the referendum held on 5th of July.
At exactly seven in the morning the next day; the mighty Porus looking leader of India got a call from the leader of Greece (who bears no resemblance to the Great Alexander). After exchanging official salutations and pleasantries got right down to business. "Yasue! Sorry to call you this early, hope I am not disturbing you, but it's quite urgent under the circumstances; I am sure you must have heard how the referendum vote went?"
"Namaste to you. No. (LOL); sorry; as you guys would say OXI problem. Yes; I heard that your people showed the middle finger to Europe - which was quite expected. At least, you are now on safer ground after this. Sorry if I am sounding Greek to you (LOL at his own joke) but my mind always does this after my morning yoga session. I hear yoga is getting popular in your Country too? Tell me what can I do for you and your brave people who know not what they did. Your people are exactly like mine - emotional - act first think later".
"Bravo! You understand the situation so well. We are broke and may soon be pushed out of EU; so I asked my Ministers which country could we most align with should such a situation arise. My government needs to save our Nation from being globally humiliated. Surprisingly most said we should look at the United States of India though a few suggested Russia or China".
"Accha! you guys call us the USI? (LOL again). Oh! sorry again I did not say OCHI (OXI) but "Accha". It means Yes and could also mean is that right in our language - depends on how you say it. I am sure you got that. But what I don't get why India and not the other two? After all Russia and China would both love to take over Greece".
"I like the way you are trying to relate your language to ours. That's exactly why India works for us better. Unlike the other two we feel we have historical ties with India. Our cultures are so related. Our nations are the cradles of modern civilisation. If we had Plato and Archimedes your Country Chanakya and Aryabhatta. Our temples, myth, mythical gods and drama - they are so much like yours and your Bollywood movies. You don't know how popular SRK, AB, and RK are here? Our nations traded with each other when rest of the world was barbaric. Your diet of potatoes, tomatoes, onions, garlic chilies and oil; is exactly like ours. Our people are laid back, emotional, rational and proud; so also yours. We have great looking men and your Nation full of beautiful women. In fact there is a belief that Greek blood flows through a lot of Indians; after all Greeks were the first foreign invaders to rape and pillage your Nation. But; your kings and emperors were so evolved in foreign relations just like you are and they put their thrones before their pride. At times I think you look, speak and think like our Socrates; and at times, given what you are going through, may even end up like him". After a pause "I mean world famous".
The Indian leader's throat went dry for a second knowing that he was already swallowing poison being served by his trusted own.
"Sir; our people have always loved the idea of getting related to each other. One of your Kings made the wife of Alexander his sister even at the cost of loosing a great battle and another married a Greek General's daughter to strengthen his empire. Wow you guys are so generous, so practical and think with your heads even when you are being f#8ked".
"Ahem! I will take what you said as a compliment. We Indians always were fascinated by a fair race - you can tell by the tons of skin lightening cream that is sold here even today. OK; so maybe we are alike in many ways. Even I can think of so many common traits; but best not discussed on open line. Now please explain what you mean by align?".
"Well; I was thinking... if you can manage 29 states - most of them as big and corrupt and bankrupt like Greece; and none of them have ever been expelled from your Union, despite bigger and bigger frauds each year; then maybe you could add us as your 30th State please? You guys know how to "manage" such financial jugglery of GDP, inflation and key economic figures much better than we do. It's a way for you to get revenge from us for what we did thousands of years back. By conquering us you also get a foothold right at the heels of Europe. What do you think?"
"So you suggesting we adopt the Achilles heel of Europe and make it our own Pandora's box? How could you even think we would accept?"
"Please don't misunderstand. Greece is bankrupt only on paper. Our elite have stashed billions of Euros overseas - just like yours. Most of our people don't pay taxes - just like yours. Our public servants are lazy and corrupt - just like yours. I hear you have a fine finance minister and level headed central bank governor and you yourself have been great at changing world opinion about your Nation for the better. We need you and your team and your policies to govern us. Tell us how you will deal with curbing black money without actually doing so. Teach us about how to speak of austerity without practicing it. We want to learn how to enforce tax laws for harassing those that don't toe in line. Assist us in bringing optical fiscal discipline. And; help us scare our powerful neighbours. With your 1 billion plus population; if even 20 million visited Greece for a vacation and spend the way they do in UK our troubles would be over. Indians would not even need a visa. Your super rich can buy up islands and redevelop our broken down infrastructure. The Rupee and Drachma are like siblings anyway - big numbers that buy little.There is so much that can be done. It would give my people so much comfort if you added us on your list of Nations to visit. I will have a thousand people greet you at the airport performing yogic poses from the Kama Sutra"
Stroking his beard and a faint smile on his face the Indian leader said "For a moment let me humour this thought; then from a Head of a Nation; you may become just a Chief Minister of a State. How will you adjust to that?"
"No worries on that count; my party is better at opposition than ruling - like the one you have called AAP. We will transfer my powers to one of the CMs you may have to exile. Anyway; with my socialist beliefs I could unite all your communist parties in India. I believe foreigners have a better chance of uniting politicians like my Italian neighbour who can freeze a person with just her gaze like Medusa. I am already excited about this proposal; are you not?"
The phone went silent and all that the Greek side heard was "OXI MORON".
photo credit thecitizen.in
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